To DAN Or Not To DAN

That is the question.  

Today we went to the DAN Dr. in the gorgeous hills overlooking the beautiful St. Helena wine country.  It was worth the trip for the drive and the view.  And the Dr. was nice.  She has 3 kids on the spectrum and only charges enough to cover her receptionist and insurance.  Compared to others, she has incredibly reasonable prices (but still quite a chunk of my budget by the time you add it all up).  It is quite clear she truly believes in what she does and practices what she preaches with her own family.  She doesn't do chelation, which I would not consider anyway. Oh, but what a commitment this all is!

Gluten Free?!?  That's all Kai eats!  I tried it...in the before time...and it was torturous.   He will starve himself to death.  Perhaps that's an exaggeration, perhaps not.  I'm serious.  I am so stressed out even thinking about it that my hair is falling out, I'm breaking out in hives and my eyes are bulging out of my head.  OK, maybe some hysteria there, but gheeze, what am I going to do?  I've already invested too much not to give this a serious attempt.  But you don't know how much gluten free food I have bought and cooked, only to throw it in the trash, or eat it myself (Yuck!  I agree, Kai).

Next come the labs.  Can't wait to hold my screaming child down while the suck his blood out, all too slowly.  Then the supplements, thankfully many are available in creams, but all are pricey.  And then the waiting and watching, trying to guard against seeing what I want to see, instead of what is actually happening.

Am I really doing this?  I guess I am.  I don't want to wonder forever if it would have made his life easier and his struggles milder.  I know he doesn't eat well, so in some sense, these supplements are bound to help.  If I haven't seen amazingly accelerated progress within 6 months, I can always stop.  

What do I have to lose...besides my money, my sanity, and the ease of feeding my family.  OK, that was ridiculous, it's already impossible to feed Kai, there has never been any easy way about it.  But, after all this, I may be happy to go back to our current level of difficulty. 

Or...maybe...just maybe, it will work.  And we will all live happily ever after.  That happens sometimes, right?

Changes-Turn and Face the Strange

It's been a while since I've had something to say...well, not really, but it's been a while since I felt like writing anything down.  But, here I am again, struggling with new decisions; change is coming our way and once again, I am trying to navigate the course.

Tomorrow we (Kai, that is) have an appointment with a DAN Dr.  I am so torn about this issue.  Am I wasting money, time and energy that could be better spent elsewhere?  Or, if I don't do this, am I losing an opportunity to help my child?  I know that the Dr. we are seeing is honest and does what she thinks is right.  She has 3 children on the spectrum herself and her prices are set low (extremely, according to my research), so I am sure it's not a scam situation.  But, I am also sure that our autism is of the genetic, always there variety.  So, I am less sure that the protocol will be helpful.

The one thing that makes me sure I will follow through with the initial appointment is that most of her supplements are given in a cream form.  Kai is a terrible eater.  He has many sensory issues that work against a healthy diet, so I KNOW that he has nutritional needs that are not being met.  For that reason alone, it will be worth it to get some extra vitamins, etc. into his body.  But, she is also a huge proponent of the GFCF diet, which we cannot pull off, for the reasons listed above.  Kai will simply stop eating.  He is that serious about it. 

I guess the reasons that I am so torn about this, besides finances, is that most of the people I respect seem to think that the DAN protocol is relatively useless.  But, on the flip side, most of the "recovery" stories I read use the DAN protocol.  AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!  And, I really do wish they would use another word besides "defeat".  I am not looking to defeat my son and his autism, I am looking for a way to make his life easier and healthier. 

OK, enough of that.  How about Kindergarten?  Yes, we are off on a new journey this fall, with new teachers, new kids, new buses, new routines.  Today is Kai's last day of summer preschool.

Happy/Sad... 

 My baby boy is growing up.  I had such bad teachers in my early education that I am terrified of the same happening to Kai.  I have met the teacher, observed the class, discussed it with the appropriate authorities, and on and on and on.  And I am still so worried.  I know that people behave differently when they are being watched, so rather that concentrate on the teacher, herself, I tried to monitor the children and their comfort level with her and their happiness.  I have to say that it looks like it's "all good".   So, why am I so worried?  Because I am a mom, it's what we do.  Right?

New doctors, new schools, my husband is looking for a new job, I am considering working with other autistic kids on the side...  Too much change.  I hope we can all turn and face the strange.  And I hope it doesn't bite.